Monday, March 8, 2010

Squirrel Dreams

My daughter’s family brought me a gift bag, a thank you for all I’ve done lately. And what was in the lovely gift bag with fresh, crisp tissue paper? A squirrel figurine.

Some background: I have dreams. I have strange, awful, threatening, embarrassing dreams. There are the recurring public toilet dreams, the driving-a-train-that-has-jumped-its-track dream, and the squirrel dream. I dreamed I woke up only to find my double cheerfully making breakfast, none of the family realizing the Stepford Wife wasn’t me. Then, still dreaming, I glanced outside and saw a half-dozen squirrels staring in the windows. I knew immediately the evil, nasty rodents had plotted this to phase me out for nefarious reasons of their own.

Finally I woke up for real, and later that morning sat down with coffee. On the picnic table not six feet away sat a squirrel, staring at me with his beady little eyes. It was true! The dream was true! The squirrels were evil, cunning little rodents plotting my takeover!

Okay, so it wasn’t true. But for a moment I freaked out and the feeling hasn’t gone away. I hate squirrels. I tell people squirrels are wicked, cunning and not trustworthy. I will proclaim the truth!

So when I opened the gift bag (still with me after the dream/flashback sequence?) and found a squirrel figurine, my first reaction was horror. My second was caution—don’t want to hurt feelings, you know. I said to my granddaughter, “Did you pick this out, Ella?” Behind her, her parents were cracking up. “We saw it and thought of you! We couldn’t resist! And we thought it would stimulate ideas for your writing.”

Yeah. That or more freaking dreams.

So. Now I have a squirrel added to my small collection of writing totems, which includes a miniature typewriter/pencil sharpener, a computer/tape holder, an ugly ceramic frog, a fireplace candleholder, rocks and angels. Any weird little items in your possession? Or, any weird dreams you want to admit to?


  1. Google - "Squirrel Wars and How To Win Them".
    It is a PBS documentary and absolutely fall down funny.

  2. Found a clip on YouTube:

    Totally supports my point!

  3. Valerie, try this for getting rid of squirrels...

  4. I just hate that squirrels can't seem to cross the road in a timely manner. They get halfway across, then change their mind, then change their mind again... What's up with that?
    I had to slow down for a lumbering groundhog recently, but at least he kept moving in one direction.

  5. when we were little my brother got bit by a squirrel. I just remember everyone jumping fences (police, neighbors, fireman, my dad) and tracking this squirrel. (lived in the city) If they didn't catch the squirrel he would have to have a series of rabies shots in his stomach! It is a hugh memory of my childhood ! They did catch the squirrel and quarantine him for however long to takes to find out if they are rabid. All was fine and my brother only had 3 rabies shots. Keep those squirrels away from me!

  6. I hate squirrels too. They conspire to drive my Bella crazy... One day, she'll catch one!

  7. If only there was a way to DVR our dreams. I have strange dreams, too. But I wake up remembering them, and thinking how vivid they were, only to forget them before I'm alert enough to write them down. Rarely do I remember one long enough to tell Jim what I dreamed, but when I do, it's a doozy.

  8. I hear you about the squirrels, Valerie! I have a similar thing with chihuahuas. I am absolutely persecuted by the dang critters. A few days ago I was even bitten by one. I was innocently walking through a neighborhood when a barking rat galloped out of its yard and attacked me. Sounding like a cross between a pneumatic drill and a man who had been kicked in an unfortunate place, it latched on to my left ankle. Its owner placidly ignored the entire fracas. I was able to land a kick that sent it shrieking back to its yard. Then I hobbled over to the owner and asked if his dog had had its shots. He said yes, why? What - was he blind as well as deaf??? I told him I had been bitten, and he wanted to know if it had broken the skin. Did I have to be gushing blood like a fountain or something??? Sheesh! You can't get any respect from chihuahua owners, it seems. I seem to remember that Hitler liked dogs. Bet his favorite was a chihuahua.

  9. John--that "Ratapult" is just mean!

    Carolyn--glad to know I'm not the only one terrorized by tiny creatures!

  10. Squirrels, hmm? I always liked them even when they stole the bird feed, but then I am an animal person. Now about those dreams you have about public toilets ... we'll have to chat later. That's my recurring dream.

  11. You're just odd. Runs in the Family.