Monday, April 22, 2013

Spit It Out!

NO SPITTING
Men seem to consider their own spit toxic. As I wait at a red light the truck door in front of me opens, a man leans out, and he spits on the pavement. I come out of a restaurant after having enjoyed a nice dinner and just ahead of me a man spits into the bushes.  Even my husband, who is somewhat domesticated, spits into the toilet at the exact same minute I’m brushing my teeth. Yuck! Gross!

What is the deal with spitting? I really want to know. My female friends never seem to need to expectorate their own saliva. If it builds up noticeably we simply—are you listening, men?—swallow. You should try it.

Or is spitting something males must do, like male dogs marking their territory? Is it a compulsion? Please, tell me the reason for all this sputum-spittage.

Which brings me to another nasty male habit. Peeing outside. (Okay, I must admit there was one little neighbor girl who peed in my hedges, but she wasn’t terribly civilized in any other area, either. And she attended a “progressive” private school, part of a chain, where they probably made peeing in public part of the regular curriculum.)  Little boys seem especially compelled to pee outside. I know—I’ve watched Supernanny.  Are males born with the urge to pee in fresh air, or is a learned behavior?

A Scout leader told me he and his Scouts didn’t need bathrooms on camping trips; “The world is my bathroom.”

I said, “But your bathroom is my world!”

So, men, tell me why you spit so much. Just spit it out. You do everywhere else.

8 comments:

  1. Oh come on Val. It is really quite simple: We spit because our dads and grandpas taught us well. And by the time we were 10 we were experts. And if you think we are going to give it up now...not an chance. Besides, I have two young grandsons to teach this rite/right-take your pick.

    wmy :)

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    Replies
    1. So it's a learned behavior. Can we then assume that sons of single mothers have non-spitting offspring? Has there been a study? Now I'm intrigued...

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  2. Hah! I spit. Not to gross you out further, but only when i'm congested. If I swallow that, i get sicker. I do carefully turn away and use a tissue. Preferably, I go somewhere private to do it.

    I noticed my granddaughter spitting and told her it wasn't ladylike. She didn't care. Not sure who taught her.

    Our boys don't spit, but I've never seen my husband spit on the ground either, or my Dad, or my brother-in-law. Maybe it's individualized?

    What my husband and his sons do that I detest is take a toothpick and use it as we leave a restaurant. Very unattractive in my book!

    BE

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    Replies
    1. Yes, you did gross me out further. Thanks!

      I agree about the toothpick thing. Wait until you get into your car! Thanks for the comments!

      Delete
  3. Val,
    So Saturday morning, while cutting up a tree out in the pasture, I thought of you while I was loosing count of how many times I had spit-as the work effort broke loose a boatload of allergy generated mucous. Just FYI :)

    wmy

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    Replies
    1. I'm torn between two reactions:
      1. You thought of me.
      2. You thought of me while spitting.
      Thanks--I think. :)

      Delete
  4. On a lighter note: How do I get a signed copy of your book?

    wmy

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  5. Sadly, I don't have an entire book to myself. I do have a long, humorous short story in a collection/anthology of stories called "Sweeter Than Tea." The title of my story is "All Foam, No Beer." The book is available at Fiction Addiction in Greenville. I could sign one and you could purchase it there. Let me know if this is what you'd like to do.

    I also have a funny story, maybe two, in The Petigru Review, Vol. 3, 2009 edition. It's available at Amazon.com for almost nothing, even when you add shipping. I could have it shipped here, sign it and get it to you. Let me know. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete